Hello and a happy Friday to you,
I felt something I haven’t felt for a while this week - lonely.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been many times in the past 21 months where, as someone who lives alone, I have felt lonely.
But in the past couple of months, since my egg freezing, life has felt a bit more ‘normal’ again. I’ve been privileged to go to the theatre loads, go ‘out out’ and dance, go to gigs and hug friends and family without hesitation. I’ve been dating again and even been speed dating (don’t even ask).
However, there was something about this week where loneliness just crept up on me.
Firstly, I found out I was a close contact of someone who then tested positive for Covid. I honestly did about six lateral flow tests, which were all negative, but because I felt run down and wanted to be cautious, I decided to isolate until I had a negative PCR test. Suddenly, loads of people I know were testing positive for Covid too.
Not only this, but the news cycle suddenly felt relentless with the new variant and the uncertainty around the government’s messaging just sent me into a bit of an anxious spiral that reminded me of the doom moments of 2020.
I’ve also been working-from-home on my own full-time again (still freelance), which felt a bit isolating without any social plans. On Wednesday night, I realised how bad I was feeling and this is what I decided to do.
I decided to tell a few people how I was feeling, instead of weathering the feeling alone. I messaged a tight-knit WhatsApp group of my closest London friends and said: “I feel lonely. Let’s all try and check in with each other.” I also messaged some people I know through Nicola Slawson’s The Single Supplement, a couple of other close friends, my mum and my sister. Actually writing the words: “I feel so lonely” made the emotion swell up inside me as my tears fell, but somehow allowing myself to feel the feeling was comforting with the knowledge it would pass.
And when I shared how I felt, I realised I was not alone. A lot of other people have been feeling especially lonely this week, or a bit bleak. The evenings are dark and December can be a challenging month for so many people, as Poorna Bell put so beautifully in this Twitter thread. I think we all need to practise that extra ounce of self-kindness and self-compassion right now.
As I type this, I realise how privileged I am to have such wonderful friends and family. And I know for many people who are at high-risk from Covid who are still forced to shield, this isolation is something they have been facing for much longer than me. And I truly feel for anyone self-isolating right now.
What didn’t make me feel any better was mindlessly scrolling through social media and also no one liking some of my tweets.
What did make me feel better was being honest about how I was feeling, reaching out to other people who I know are isolating or having a tough time and allowing myself to feel what I was feeling.
When I woke up on Thursday, I felt better (who knew a good night’s sleep helps?). I also got a negative PCR result, which meant I could go round my sister’s after work and see my niece and nephews, who anyone who knows me will know are my world.
Lots of friends checked in with me after the night before and it meant so much.
If you haven’t spoken to a friend for a while, especially if they are single or live alone, why not check on them this week? It might mean more to them than you realise. And if you’re feeling lonely, know you are not alone.
OK, that message was longer than usual. Thanks for listening. Here’s some uplifting stuff for you.
Uplifting News Stories
Action For Happiness launches its Do Good December calendar
This amazing woman is doing 24 half marathons in December to raise money for Mind
Ikea shoppers and staff snowed in spend night in showroom beds | Sky
The innovative ‘nap pads’ that could save the lives of homeless people | Big Issue
Features Worth Sharing
A Young Woman Refugee On What It’s Actually Like To Cross The Channel | Refinery 29
The fiction books you can’t miss in 2022 | Stylist
Hear Me Out: All Green Characters Are Kind of Hot | Vice
Avoid ‘unnecessary socialising’? As ever, the pandemic hits single people the hardest | Independent
Be kind to yourselves,
BB x
This is The Uplift, a weekly newsletter by me, journalist Becky Barnes. If you enjoyed it, feel free to buy me a coffee.
The Uplift will arrive in your inbox every Friday, featuring good news and self care. I also have a podcast about life advice.
A bit about me: I’m a journalist living in London. You can find me on Twitter and Instagram.