The life advice edition with Nicola Slawson

"You don't need to find a partner in order for your life to start"

Mar 07, 2025

Well hello there,

It’s been a while! I’ve had my head down with my therapy studies and somewhat cocooning over winter. It feels good to be “picking up the pen” to write to you again, though.

A few weeks ago, I had the joy of attending the book launch of my friend and former colleague Nicola Slawson, who was celebrating the publication of her book Single: Living a Complete Life on Your Own Terms. I’d been lucky enough to already have read a proof copy as I’m featured in it but it was good to pick up a physical copy and celebrate Nicola’s incredible achievement. I also got to meet her gorgeous baby for the first time, hang out with her wonderful best friend co-parent Tom, catch up with old colleagues and meet some lovely new people too.

Single is a joyful, moving and powerful book about life for single people; the pros and cons, and issues faced, with lots of examples of single people living a complete life on their own terms. Nicola has created, grown and nurtured a community around her newsletter The Single Supplement, which has helped change the narrative for single people as well as forged new friendships and uplifting stories.

This week for The Uplift, Nicola has answered my Life Advice questions. Thank you so much for taking part Nicola. Go buy her book!

What’s the best advice anyone’s ever given you?

When I was going through a terrible heartbreak, I was on a yoga retreat and the teacher was talking about the practice of non-attachment, surrender and letting go of things that don't serve you. Thinking of my ex, who I was still having daily video calls with, I asked her how to let go when it felt so painful.

At the time I was holding a water bottle and she pointed out the effort it was taking to hold onto the bottle – I was using arm and hand muscles etc in order to hold it. She told me to let go of the bottle and, of course, my body was no longer putting effort into holding it.

My muscles had relaxed. I realised how positive and freeing it can be to let go. Holding on was more painful in the long run. I wrote about this story in my book and writing it made me realise how much I have come back to that advice in all sorts of different situations – work problems, friendship woes, and living situations – and it's always served me well.

If you could go back and give yourself some advice to yourself at a certain point in your life, when would you go back to and what would you tell yourself?

I wish I could go back to when I was 31 and really panicking about feeling left behind by my friends who were all settling down, getting married, buying houses and either having children or thinking about it. I felt so out of sync and like a failure.

I wish I could give her a big hug and let her know it's going to be OK and that she needs to remember the advice in Baz Luhrmann's Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) when he said: "Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself."

What's your best life advice for other people?

If you're single, you don't need to find a partner in order for your life to start. You're already living it so you may as well do what makes you feel joyful instead of letting yourself feel like you're in a waiting room and focusing on what you're lacking.

If you're not single, the same advice applies – you don't have to wait for all the circumstances to be perfect before you decide to go after what you want in life whether that be relocating, a career change, starting a business, having a baby, going on that holiday you have always dreamed of etc.

To steal my parents' motto: "One Life. Live it."

What inspired your latest book and what would you say to anyone thinking of reading it?

My book is a culmination of everything I’ve learned since starting it. It explores the highs and lows of being unattached in a world designed for couples and encourages readers to find joy and make the most of their lives, single or not. I interviewed more than 50 people for the book from all walks of life and have been told there is something for everyone in it!

If you are thinking of buying it, maybe it would help to hear about what people are saying about it. It’s only been out a short time but I’ve already had messages saying it made people feel seen or less alone. A few people have said it’s like I got inside their brain because they related so much. It’s been called “fiercely honest and comforting” by the Irish Independent and “a joyful read” by Stylist.